 | chelsea 2 charlton 1 | Sep 11, 2006 |
the writer is doing conscription liability in ____________. he contributes these articles to the blog in his personal capacity. he cannot be named to protect his identity, because freedom of speech is enshrined in the constitution. 
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okie, we're finally going to move!
on friday 13 apr, the classified documents move first. its a great day to move. note the day and date.
on 18 apr, we must have all our things packed up. we switch our computer emails to out of office mode. and we say byebye to the govt ministry, to the strange place that means little, yet means much to me.
on 19 apr, the movers will come. and we move at 9 am in the morning! to the other side at alexandra. my new home. on 20 apr, we settle down, and anyway in the afternoon I'm supposed to go to pulau tekong for work.
here's the catch, 20 apr is my last day! after that i go on leave and only need to come back for formalities. heng, no need to see the new office, or experience new structure. do my duty to help them move, and then my job can be considered down.
i got to see my JD for the very first time. rather shocked...that there's actually so much requested of me. i'm just doing my conscription liability actually. but sometimes i've even been doing more than what's written there. as usual my colleagues start to bicker over the JDs. archery and taiji in the conference room. things that are not clear-cut; everyone wants to be fair, not to be bullied. not surprised. the advice given to every1 is that if no one wants to do it or can do it, it can always be taijied to me. my br head then told me, aren't you glad you're going to be Operationally Ready? when i'm gone, there aren't going to be 5 officers, but 3, while they wait for the new 1 to come. there's gonna be more work for all of them.
I'm looking forward to Operational Readiness. When I become Operationally Ready, this means I'm liable to be mobilised anytime there is a need. Its a great status to be in. After all, for the GST payouts, cos I'm overaged, I don't get anything, so its cheaper for them to make me Operationally Ready!
i need to thank my fren for reminding me about my own liability status. I write this in my personal capacity. I don't need any A* chairmen to sue me for writing things. This is cos freedom of speech is enshrined in the constitution.
I've got my NIE dates! I start work on 18 Jun. that's NIE registration. then 20 - 22 Jun there r going to be briefings and lectures, and I heard they serve dim sum. then 25 Jun I'll be posted to a school to observe and orientate for a month, b4 NIE orientation on 23 Jul and the actual NIE date starts 30 Jul. B4 that, I can also look forward to an appointment briefing, where I sign my contract, and a medical appointment, which will give me another 1 day off altogether. However we must pay $52.50 for the medical check-up, and they're gonna take my blood again, what's this? i just did the mbti again.
this time i've changed again.
last time i was INFJ. then ISFJ. now i'm ISTJ. i keep changing. aa the announcement of the date of our moving (4 apr) (si si) was followed by a stunning revelation...2 officers would be cut, and 1 officer would be "re-absorbed" and transferred over to programmes.
the afternoon was followed by a flurry of secret closed-door meetings, rendezvous, and officers bypassing br heads to demand explanation from deputy directors. the next day, the director and the other dd himself joined him.
i was left out, and people tried to keep the news from me, tho i consider myself part of the office, and i have been there for almost 2 years. i know that knowing what's going on is not gonna help matters, but i'm also concerned. i value the office i am in v much.
what was screwed up was transparency. the officers should have been notified the moment the decision was made. it isn't particularly the fault of the br heads. the dds and above made the decision, and the restructuring decision was made by as high as DS(P), its called zero growth. to allow Public Affairs to grow, Military Security Department and where I do my conscription liability, staff must be cut.
so after 2 days, i talked to the br heads. for almost 2 hours. learn about pmr, ranking, how decisions are made, why staff are cut, y the civil service doesn't want to increase employment w/o strong justification. just as the govt announces high civil service pay rises for TOP civil servants only. i learnt that the officer chosen to leave was cos she was deemed to have consistently poor work performance and attitude. the 1 who has to move was cos he was considered to fit the job. the word used, "re-absorb", sounds rather scary, apparently he had to leave as well, but now they have decided to retake him, but in a different position. but i have always had the utmost respect for the both of them.
and now, the date of moving is to be postponed again. cos of a delay in the arrival of the cabinets.
sigh.
i was supposed to go plaza sing to watch Iwo Jima with my friend.
i thought we were going to watch protege.
protege at plaza sing was sold out. so we went to vivocity GV.
my friend was late, but i bumped into elizabeth, who said she was going to celebrate franco's b/d.
i was surprised, cos elizabeth isn't in franco's cell, but elizabeth was going anyway; then i saw michelle, rachel, bob, franco, marcus, and 2 that i didn't know. (winston & lorraine).
i wished franco's b/d, and found out it was lorraine's b/d, so i wished her too. then i left.
i went to buy the tix, then my friend still hadn't come, so i ventured to ask if i might pop in to join them for awhile. michelle said it was all right.
when i got to modesto's, kenny was also there. he too was going to meet a fren, but he was also joining them till his fren comes. so i didn't feel out of place.
surprisingly, winston and lorraine were just so frenly, even tho i didn't know them. and i can click with them quite well. it was refreshing and comforting, after more disappointments in the office again. where i belong.
spent the next 15 mins toking to winston and lorraine, and bob, michelle and rachel as well. kenny wished me happy b/d. apparently he knows that my b/d was last week too. so it became a b/d celebration for me as well. lorraine thought i was someone else. she thought i'd just got married!
15 mins later my fren came, so i had to leave. but it was 1 of the happiest nights of my life, to be in an environment where i am accepted, to be in the company of frens, and to be able to click with people, and show love to them in some way. can't i have more of these? Our office CNY celebrations were held in the Grand
Ballroom at Singapore Poly. There were 4 tables and it
was very well organised; the theme was wushu, every1
was supposed to come in wushu costumes. people came in
cheongsams, 2 came as "heibang" gangsters, and my
friend came in a real wushu costume, complete with a
sword that another friend brought! our director wore a
taekwondo shirt.
the food was 9 course; and after that we played some
great games. first, there was the costume parade. my
friend, who performed a professional wushu performance
with the catwalk, including the somersaulting, easily
won it hands down. the heibang gangsters also came in
close runner-ups in the vote. then we were divided
into 6 groups and asked to think of a name for our
sect. 1 group called itself "shui jiao", (the sleeping
sect, with a play on the jiao), another group, which
saw the idea, called themselves "shui lan jiao"
(sleeping lazily), and argued that they were better
than the first cos they were so invincible they were
simply "impenetrable". the 1st group quickly shot back
that the other group was a pirated copy. another group
called themselves the "cao nao pai", (noisy sect), but
it has some hokkien deeper meaning that has to do with
the sky and ground. I dunno what they mean, cos I
always tell people, "ji gai hokkien wei wa si eh hiao
tia dam bo dang si wa si bueh hiao gong".
To even out with that group, we called ourselves the
"ding gua gua jiao." (the best sect). We say that we
talk a lot, that's why we "gua gua jiao", but we
really are the best, that's why we are "ding gua gua",
the word "ding" means top. Our skill is to "chui niu",
we don't just boast about ourselves, we are so strong
we can blow cows away. OK lah, we didn't win for the
best name.
Our group happened to have the director, a deputy
director, a branch head, a staff officer, an assistant
and myself, so when we had to think of a skit, here's
how the storyline went. i was the narrator, who told
the story like this, a long time ago there was a hill,
and on that hill was a temple, and on that temple was
a monk, who liked to tell stories, and the story was
about the head of a nationalistic pugilistic sect who
wanted to come up with a best practices manual. So he
taiji to the 2nd-in-command, who tai-ji to the branch
head, who taiji to the officer, who taiji to the
assistant, who worked very hard and then lived happily
ever after. the moral of the story was "jin zhong bao
guo", be loyal to your country, which was the words
written on the fan that we bought as a prop. and our
director won the best actor for his cross-eyes and
taiji actions that really allowed us to see a
different side of him! best actress was a tough fight
between the major, who became a songstress in a
cheongsam, the finance clerk, normally a mother with
three daughters, who now became a princess, and the
winner, the heibang pai gangster heads (yes they came
dressed as men, 1 in white, 1 in black, and both have
long hair & are big sized), suiting the role
perfectly. Heh heh...considering that I'm in national
education, it's a very telling story.
then there was a lucky draw...20 prizes to be won,
which means almost half the office won something. my
15th prize was $20 worth of NTUC vouchers, and the 1st
prize was a 14-in TV! and it ended at 4:15, and since
Singapore Poly is 5 bus stops from my house, it was a
great day lah. i should have more days like this in my
conscription liability.
We had a great time at our Dir's CNY gathering at his
house, a $1.36 million corner terrace in Thomson, that
comes with lots of gardens and seating areas outside
the house, and boasts of a showroom kitchen, a room
with special lighting dedicated to listening to music,
a family area, and a master bedroom that has a
see-through jacuzzi!
the director and his wife are really generous, a
former helicopter pilot, he and his wife also play the
guitar in church, and we gathered around to listen to
both him and the deputy director, who also plays in
church, take turns to play songs. I had 2 other
colleagues who also can play, 1 rock, 1 pop, and for
me, i could only play chinese songs, so when they
listened to 1 or 2 chinese songs, i tried my 2 cents'
worth.
we also lo hei, about 35 of us, and the lo hei had
abalone in it. there was also great food; a fine
spread.
we also played blackjack, and the major turned into an
excellent and professional dealer, who also made lots
of money. i played once as a player who lost, then was
asked to be the dealer, which i obliged, and i won!
then we were gonna stop playing, but the director
wanted to play, so we played a last game, and guess
what, as a dealer i forgot to deal cards to myself! i
almost forfeited but in the end they let me play.
however i lost. aiyah...another embarrassing incident
was when i wore my colleague's socks by mistake!
they're the same colour, and our shoes are also the
same colour and almost similar, you have to look at
the underside of the sock to see that they're a
different brand. i hope my colleague wasn't too PO,
but he really was quite irritated.
the director also knows my auntie, cos my auntie used
to be from the same church as he and his wife; in
fact, they even know which ministry she used to be in.
when we left the director insisted on giving me a red
packet; i think he likes me, but i think he doesn't
treat me the same way he would a 25-year-old, he tends
to treat me like a 20-21 year old. sigh. but he's a
great guy. a very humble, softspoken and easygoing
person. and mind you, he was a helicopter pilot.
there's this story about how a father told his son to whenever he is angry, to hammer a nail into the fence. this helped him to control his temper, and one day, when he stopped hammering nails in the fence, his father praised his ability to overcome, and asked him to take out the nails. however, to his horror, he now found that this fence is full of holes. then his father told him, that whenever he does and says something wrong, the recipient will never be the same again. valentine's day has come and gone. many pple have blogged about it. to me, i told my fren that the day doesn't make a difference to me. its like the Malays have Hari Raya, I share in their joy, so I share the joy of couples who celebrate the day and people who get gifts (I didn't get any), but life still carries on. its not even a public holiday, in fact at night i went to give tuition, while some of my friends went out for a singles night. but v day, and the past few days, have been days when i thrashed things out with some frens. its caused us to understand one another better. hope that after the process, we have grown closer together. and i've seen more things happen in the office. disappointments, but also encouragements. i really want to leave this office with happy memories. february is supposed to be a time of happy memories in my office. a wedding, an event at the National Museum, an outing to the Home Team Academy, a gathering at Director's house, a Chinese New Year celebration, and I know my branch has a card and is planning a birthday lunch for me. not just that, my boss has just given me a great welfare gift...i won't say what it is.
and i hope that i have made 2 better frens from this office this month. we had some squabbles, but we spent much time to clear things up and reconcile.
v day is also a day where i reminded my mother to give my father a present. had to give her some encouragement to do it. sigh. i really hope my mother and father can rekindle and maintain their love. marital love to me has always been a beautiful thing, and still is.
as for my church frens, the month of january i saw them little, in february i saw them more, but past the valentine's day and cny week, i didn't see them. i hope they r doing fine. they are still my gd frens. it has been a great week. i went to dunman high school in the course of work. to cover a defence talk there. they use the old rjc premises. i feel a strange sense of nostalgia to go back to the old rjc, it's my sch, yet it's not my sch, the walls and doors have been painted blue, and the students are in white and blue. but the canteen, the LT, and the porch, is still the same, and i even met my secondary school teacher there, he's now a HOD at dunman high, however, it's strange, cos i was not from dunman high, so he's technically my teacher but no longer in my sch. oh well, it feels funny, and i felt both the sense of belonging and not.
i also went down to anglican high sch. yes, if a friend of mine that i know reads this,i went down to ur sch, not once, but twice! the sch song is nice, it's in chinese, and the students are incredibly humble, well-behaved and interested, they asked many good questions about defence, and they conducted a debate on whether NS should be made compulsory for all. it was a good debate, with the star speaker really impressing. i also made a new fren. he's many years older than me, a MAJ, and a SAFOS scholar, and a national debater, who did his university studies at Oxford and LSE, and came from Hwa Chong humans, but he's v nice, a v people person, and we can click. i love "Chrysanthemum pavilion" by jay chow. it is v poetic. it creates an image of tragic beauty, where the many fallen flowers parallel the resigned despair of the warrior against an oriental backdrop of a chaotic warring environment. this is because his loved one has died or departed, her smile is scattered among the dying flowers, and he cannot let go of her image, which is v strong thruout the song, but at the same time he is alone, he has only the reflection in the lake to accompany her. the natural imagery of the procrastinating dawn, the beautiful but tellingly incomplete moon, the coldness of the north wind, and the frost, intensify the image of beauty and tragedy. So I went for my colleague's wedding at Novotel Clarke Quay hotel.
I wore a tie to match my pants.
I got to sit at the same table as my dear colleagues. I don't talk much to many of them but I really treasure them as my family. I have been with them for over 1.5 yrs.
They arranged for me to sit beside a close fren in my office. Both of us are a little disturbed about it, but in the end we had a good time talking to each other.
The bride looked really different, and great, and I am so glad I was there to see her walk down the aisle. To lead the office in the special and really long and loud yam seng both during the official one and photo-shoot sabo one.
The food was not great. cold dish had lobster. shark's fin was thick. and the fish was v good too.
Then I got to go home with my colleague. got to know her better too. in fact I got to know pretty many of them better. and my boss gave me a lift to the hotel. on the way, we picked up his wife and kids, so I got to know them. Went to his house, where he served me water and even got his maid to sew my button on for me. so nice of him.
i love weddings. i love to see people enjoy their big day. and i love to be in an env of people in which there is 温馨 , where I feel a sense of 归属感.
as part of the spectra programme we went for this rope confidence course. 1st course I was supposed to abseil. we strap the harness, climb up, then we're supposed to lean backward, wif our knees straight, &, help ourselves down with a rope, and with our feet against the wall. i told myself not to be scared, but as i went up, i found my hands and legs shaking involuntarily, and the facilitator really had to tell me to relax. it's the same when i have to do public speaking.
anyway, when i went down, i forgot to brake, so I slid down quite fast, & not v steadily. but everyone praised me for completing the course. i wished that i had a chance to do it again, this time, I would be determined to do better. so for the 2nd round, i told myself I had to learn from the 1st & overcome my fears. moreover, i had a partner, a J2 girl. if not for conscription liability, she might be my student. and she was bold enuff to offer to go up wif her eyes closed, and to be the 1st to go up. so i knew I had to take care of her. when we went up the tightrope activity, she started shaking & screaming. the wind started blowing and the rain started falling, to make it worse. suddenly i found a new strength. i'm supposed to sacrifice for my students. so i shouted at her to focus on the finish line & to believe in herself. i told her that she wouldn't fall. she was shaking, but in the end she completed the course. and then i started behind her. in the end, she helped me too, cos i had to walk the talk (literally), and whenever she let go of 1 holding rope, it swung towards me, so I didn't have to do the reaching out to grab the next holding rope like she had to. (there were a few ropes along the course that could help us steady ourselves).
i feel much more confident after completing the course. she was v grateful and I thank God for the grace for me to find strength to look after her and also complete the course myself. it also gave me the confidence to make more frens, I got to know my partner, even my facilitator, & a few others. i had not felt enthusiastic about the thingee from the beginning, cos I know rope confidence activities are not my cup of chrysanthemum, but in the end, I'm glad I did it. i realli want to let go, walk up boldly, join the group, say hi, and talk as normal, but there r v strong defensive walls, cos of the past. the leader said v clearly that we're going to be under 1 roof soon, we must bond together, i think everyone thinks so, and desires it too, the very activities during today's meeting were designed to promote it.
i'm not gonna be there long more but i desire gd relationships too and i wanna forgive, but pple haven't apologised, don't think they ever will, & their past actions have shown strong bias & dislike towards me. how can i go out and talk to pple who have v clearly expressed and shown that, and to the rest whom i dunno wat their impression of me is? since they have oreidi sought to avoid me, and advised even others to avoid me.
i dunno how. i suppose i should be just happy that i know that i have spent these 2 yrs making a positive difference to their lives. helping them whenever they ask me to. talking, counselling & encouraging those who write to me. befriending those who wanna be my fren. it really is help, cos i'm not getting paid for it. & most of the time i don't have the choice to reject. but i am happy to help them, or at least try to. they are nice people actually.
sigh. | 049-林忆莲－至少还有你 | | 橄黨乖돨주壘젭 | | 주壘젭 | | | 049-林忆莲－至少还有你 | | 橄黨乖돨주壘젭 | | 주壘젭 | | | 寧喇켜쐴 | | | | 蠟倒 | | | kit chan - xin tong | | | | | | | 졔헙틉쪽 | | 乖뻘콘갖强 | | 冀羚갛 冀쁜隙 | |
| ┗Ω 1 | | ｵLｼﾐﾃD - 04-11-25 | | ･ｼｪｾ | | | 던乖浬 | | 瑙볘 | | 冀쳄쓰 | | | 菊花台 | | | | | | | 遗憾 | | | | | |
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